Posts Tagged 'self improvement'

Do you want your relationships to be stronger? Do you want people close to you and even casual acquaintances to be open and happy to chat? Do you want to be a positive influence on those you love and care about? Then one of the things you need to remove from your “style” is sarcasm. This is especially true for sarcasm directed at those around us and especially true when our conversations are about tough situations.

Sarcasm in general banter can quickly get old. Sarcasm in serious conversation is often used to put barbs into otherwise honest dialog. It is used to “rub it in” and hurt. Like the use of profanity, it can indicate insensitivity or disrespect for people, an inadequacy of language skills or laziness in using them.

Merriam-Webster defines sarcasm is as follows:

1: a sharp and often satirical or ironic utterance designed to cut or give pain2 a: a mode of satirical wit depending for its effect on bitter, caustic, and often ironic language that is usually directed against an individual b: the use or language of sarcasm

Similarly from Wikipedia:

Sarcasm is the use of sharp, cutting remarks or language intended to mock, wound, or subject to contempt or ridicule.^[1]

 Even when the intention is good, like trying to shock your daughter into realizing how bad her grades are or how irresponsible she is, sarcasm is always substituting for a better and more effective way to communicate. Say what you need to say with love; say no more than is necessary, but say what is necessary. Adding sarcasm to the delivery introduces a great risk.

Especially when dealing with children and teens, sarcasm can deliver subtle and dangerous messages. This can cause much more damage than is visible on the surface. Attacks on self-worth and ability are easily launched by the use of such “wit”. We are always communicating and consistent, subtle jabs can be screaming much louder than the occasional affirmation. Sarcasm combined with an affirmation obviously discounts the positive message; it may more than wipe it out.

Our children may be the most susceptible, but all our relationships can be hurt by our sarcasm and improved by its elimination. That also includes our relationship with ourselves. Having an inner dialog or running sarcastic narrative on our own thoughts and actions is lighting the match to burn our own house down. It is hard to see because the damage occurs so slowly; but it accumulates.

Long ago, our pastor during high school told us,

You aren’t who you think you are. You aren’t who other people think you are. You are who you think other people think you are.

What he was saying is that we tend to become who we think other people, whom we respect, think we are. We live up to expectations as we perceive them. Sarcasm lays down a subtle, negative expectation wherever it is directed. We have enough negative messages hitting us all the time. Eliminating this source makes everyone better off starting with ourselves.

• Distinction of the Day: Manager vs Leader I often think one can tell the difference between a manager and a leader by looking at where a person’s eyes are. If they are to the ground, if their focus is on implementing something that someone else has put in place, if they are most concerned about the systems......
• Dealing With Obsession What is the best way of dealing with obsession? Don’t deal with it. We are taught to deconstruct reality. "Deal with it!" How many people have heard that yelled at them? Meaning they are ordering you back in line, and that line boards the ship of the damned. They don’t......
• Using Energies in the World Using the energies is sort of like being in a gently flowing river. Most people are blown about by the winds or washed away with the waters, but you can see that the winds and the waters, the elements and the spirits, are not separate from you. Often when the......
• Speak and Create It’s not just words. Nothing you do or say is “just” anything. The energy in you to act wasn’t created by you. As it leaves you it imprints the world, and the world is a diary. Well, what have we written? What have we wrought? And why did we? The......
• The Great Gilded Bubble Part II: Gold Investing Revisited This is part II because back in March I wrote about a gold bubble.  See, back then, gold was playing around the price of $1000 an ounce.  I likened that price to $100 a barrel oil back in 2008.  I don't pretend to be a market predictor, but after that......

“The meek shall inherit the earth” is from what is known as The Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5:5). For the longest time, this made little sense to me. Our common understanding of “meek” suggests that we are talking about a cowering milquetoast. How or why should someone like that inherit the earth? In fact, once we understand what “meek” actually means in this use, it makes total sense and is an extremely practical concept.

Meek, as used in the quote, refers to someone who does the right thing, at the right time and in the proper amount. It connotes self-control or strength under control. It is getting angry in the proper circumstances, not too much and not too little, and for the proper amount of time. It means not over or under reacting. There is a gentleness here that comes of strength, not weakness. Being meek is a choice and choice comes only from the availability of options. In order to not react too strongly or roughly, you must have the power to react with more power than you need. Without the ability to do otherwise, you don’t need self-control. Being meek is a choice.

 Choosing to be meek has a number of benefits. One is that by only reacting with as much force as necessary, you conserve your strength and resources. You also probably get the job done with as little collateral damage as possible. There are fewer hurt feelings and you don’t have to look back with regret or wish you had handled something differently. You are not likely to say something that you will want to take back. Your effectiveness is maximized and you set a great example for others. Not bad for being meek.

Sometimes it’s not easy to regulate our thoughts and reactions. We might avoid a contentious confrontation because we don’t want to feel uncomfortable. Sometimes we feel like revenge or hurting someone who has wounded us. Both these inclinations hurt us in the long run. The first postpones resolving a problem and lets the problem grow even larger. The second weakens our spirit and our bonds with our communities. The perfect response is to respond with meekness.

The meek shall inherit the earth. Doesn’t this seem more reasonable now? If it asks for a sacrifice, it is a sacrifice of the selfish and foolish use of our power. It asks us to sacrifice our disrespect for others. It tells us to be grateful for what gifts we have and use them wisely to their greatest effect. So be meek. Inherit the earth. He promised.

• Fishing Report: April 9, 2010 Sturgeon, Salmon and Halibut At both Berkeley/Emeryville and Pillar Point, the salmon season is off to a poor start. Berkeley/Emeryville will start halibut trips this weekend. But at Monterey the salmon boats have been doing very well, with some getting their limit. Tracy, some are getting small cats. Stripers......
• Choosing the Right Triathlon Bike pt 2 You are really going to want to choose a bicycle that fits your body perfectly, comfortable, and also fits your budget. You can buy an extremely expensive bike, but if it does not fit your frame, then it is completely worthless when it comes to meeting your bicycling needs. The......
• Does God Want Good For Me? We need to understand the good God has for us. Is God really good? Is He is a good mood? Let’s examine the life of Christ to see the “good” that His obedience brought Him. Paul tells us that because of Christ’s obedience, He got something good. Philippians 2:5-11 (New International......
• Consistent Power All of our senses function on one principle, and it is the consistency behind all senses. Attention. We have this power, because attention is the process by which we express our individual purposes here. How we are individuated in any way at all? We are here to "attend". Do you......
• Earth Hour Activities For Frugal Family Night Photo courtesy of plindberg Tonight at 8:30pm (local time) Earth Hour organizers have asked us to turn off our lights for one hour, as a vote for our planet against global warming.  Despite how you feel about the politically-charged issue of global warming, I am convinced energy conservation is......

It was probably in 1968; I know it was during Christmas vacation. The location was a house set above and overlooking Lake Ontario. The snow was coming down at a healthy rate and the flakes were large as they often were it being warmer near the lake than even a few miles south. I was with my father and I was miserably failing 9th grade German. He did what would now be called an “intervention.”

Having some knowledge of German, he began to guide me back on track. However, we had a problem. Some of the pronunciation he used was not what my teacher was using. I started arguing about it. He pointed out several things. First, he wondered, considering I was severely failing the course, exactly what credentials I brought to the discussion. Second, and most importantly, he pointed out that I could not learn while I took the attitude of master or teacher. In order to learn, I had to take the position of pupil or learner.

My father is the kind of person that is not always right, but you need to tread carefully if you decide not to listen to him; you have a good chance of being wrong. He was definitely right about this. It took a little thinking for this wisdom to make it past my youthful arrogance, but it did. Then followed a series of days where I worked over 12 hours each day. It was back (or finally) to basics, and I made lists and hundreds of flash cards for vocabulary, verb conjugation, and phrases. I’d study by myself and then my dad would drill me on what I was supposed to have learned.

By the time I went back to school, I was ahead of the class. I learned much more than my German. I learned that if I really wanted to learn, I had to be in a learning mode. While we always need to listen with a critical ear, we must do so as a student, not as a competitor for instructor. We have to have the humility to acknowledge that we do not know everything and it’s OK not to know everything.

Additionally, I discovered that massive action (one of Tony Robbins favorite expressions) can dramatically alter the state of the world. If you are willing to focus and spend the time, you can alter the chess board; you can turn hopelessness into victory. This possibility of change is miraculous and it is within our power to make this possibility into a reality.
When we stop learning, we get stale and start to die. Without switching into student mode, it is difficult to refresh our knowledge and test what we think we know. No matter how far behind we might find ourselves, the willingness to learn coupled with massive action can change our world.

I would not have learned these things without becoming a learner. If the know-it-all in me had been allowed to dominate, I don’t know where I’d be today. The world felt quite different when I left the house on the lake with the snow covering the ground and the crisp chill on my face; it felt different because I was a different person. I owe my father for this and much more.

• The Science Behind the Law of Attraction Since the movie The Secret came out, people across the world have taken a fascination with the Law of Attraction. The Law of Attraction states that we manifest reality through our thoughts and intentions. But does this “law” have any scientific confirmation? Currently, the most misunderstood branch of science is......
• Learn to Run the Safe Way There are more people running than ever before. This is because they want to stay in shape and running seems to be a great way to accomplish this goal. The problem is many people never take the time and learn to run. This can cause you to become injured and......
• How To Help Your Child's School Go Green. Just a few weeks ago I came across a few websites that can help your child's school go green. While there have been articles here on The Good Human about buying green back to school supplies and a green school in Colorado, these two sites below can help parents, teachers,......
• Learning Development The term learning development is, in a sense, an oxymoron—a paradox of two worlds that don't exist in the educational system today. There would be a vast improvement in the development of minds if the learning environment were interwoven with the advances in technology that have been made in......
• The Complete Yachtmaster: Sailing, Seamanship, and Navigation for the Modern Yacht Skipper by Tom Cunliffe This week I am posting the book review early as Friday is a holiday. Happy 4th of July all! Although this book was written primarily for the UK market, there is still plenty of great advice for boaters around the world and it can easily be adapted for owners in......