Me sarcastic? I can stop anytime I want

Do you want your relationships to be stronger? Do you want people close to you and even casual acquaintances to be open and happy to chat? Do you want to be a positive influence on those you love and care about? Then one of the things you need to remove from your “style” is sarcasm. This is especially true for sarcasm directed at those around us and especially true when our conversations are about tough situations.

Sarcasm in general banter can quickly get old. Sarcasm in serious conversation is often used to put barbs into otherwise honest dialog. It is used to “rub it in” and hurt. Like the use of profanity, it can indicate insensitivity or disrespect for people, an inadequacy of language skills or laziness in using them.

Merriam-Webster defines sarcasm is as follows:

1: a sharp and often satirical or ironic utterance designed to cut or give pain2 a: a mode of satirical wit depending for its effect on bitter, caustic, and often ironic language that is usually directed against an individual b: the use or language of sarcasm

Similarly from Wikipedia:

Sarcasm is the use of sharp, cutting remarks or language intended to mock, wound, or subject to contempt or ridicule.^[1]

 Even when the intention is good, like trying to shock your daughter into realizing how bad her grades are or how irresponsible she is, sarcasm is always substituting for a better and more effective way to communicate. Say what you need to say with love; say no more than is necessary, but say what is necessary. Adding sarcasm to the delivery introduces a great risk.

Especially when dealing with children and teens, sarcasm can deliver subtle and dangerous messages. This can cause much more damage than is visible on the surface. Attacks on self-worth and ability are easily launched by the use of such “wit”. We are always communicating and consistent, subtle jabs can be screaming much louder than the occasional affirmation. Sarcasm combined with an affirmation obviously discounts the positive message; it may more than wipe it out.

Our children may be the most susceptible, but all our relationships can be hurt by our sarcasm and improved by its elimination. That also includes our relationship with ourselves. Having an inner dialog or running sarcastic narrative on our own thoughts and actions is lighting the match to burn our own house down. It is hard to see because the damage occurs so slowly; but it accumulates.

Long ago, our pastor during high school told us,

You aren’t who you think you are. You aren’t who other people think you are. You are who you think other people think you are.

What he was saying is that we tend to become who we think other people, whom we respect, think we are. We live up to expectations as we perceive them. Sarcasm lays down a subtle, negative expectation wherever it is directed. We have enough negative messages hitting us all the time. Eliminating this source makes everyone better off starting with ourselves.

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